Sometimes We Cry

MEMO TO:

[my supervisor]

[case manager]

[case manager's Supervisor]

] [foster mother #1]

[foster mother #2]

RE:

Case# XXXXX-XX

The first supervised visit with Mom went well after a bit of a shaky start. I had some time to talk with Mom and older Sister before kids arrived. Mom was very excited about seeing the children again. She is quite articulate and easily and appropriately discussed her case plan, her personal commitment to achieving her goals etc.. She was very open with me about her Termination of Parental Rights on her two oldest children in 2005 (of course she knows I have all the court records anyway). Both children were very happy to see Mom and sister, although at first, I think because she had been sleeping, [1.5 yr old girl] really cried hard, shrieked and held her little arms for me to take her as [transporter guy] lifted her from car seat. She didn't seem to recognize her mother. She soon recognized older Sibling [age 14 half-sister] and allowed her to take her. Mom was visibly upset/hurt by this. [3.5 yr old boy] was all smiles as soon as he saw me and it was quite obvious her remembered me as he said "dogs" because he and I had fussed over [Foster Mom #1's] dogs during my Home Visit last week. He then focused on Mom and was just thrilled to see her, smiling and laughing on wrapping himself around her.

Both M and Sib stayed actively engaged with children the entire time. Both CH had their packed lunches and some snacks Mom brought. After an hour [3.5 yr old] became very upset when he realized the visit was over and he sobbed when placed in car. Mom and Sib started tearing up as 3.5 yr old screamed and cried. I said to Mom and Sib, "Don't cry...Fake 'til you make it, be tough for the kid's sake.  You can cry after they leave."   We all did a good job of faking it and putting on a happy face when waving good-bye to CH. As soon as [transporter] pulled out, both Mom and Sib began crying hard. We discussed that the CH would get used to the set up and hopefully more easily transition.

Because [3.5 yr old] was so upset, I called FM this evening to check on him. She said he was clingy but affectionate and ate his dinner well. He went to bed fine. She was peeved he had a MacDonald's toy in a baggie. I assured her he did not have fast food, that Mom just gave him the toy and that he ate the healthy packed lunch she sent. I tried to gently say that in the big scheme of things, even though he's overweight, we need to choose our battles wisely with Mom and if she brings MacD's once in a while it won't kill the boy. This is a hard day for all concerned. Transporter has to pick (boy) up at daycare, drive 40 mins (on a good day) south to pick up baby girl in courtesy placement outside of county, drive both kids back 30 mins to park for supervised visit then pack kids up at end, back to girl's daycare, drive boy all the way back to his daycare. Poor lttle tykes. Note to all...I will be out of town from Fri 4/12 - 4/21. I can be reached via mobile at xxx-xxx-xxxx and always by email.

D

PS: it really does take a village...and, Transporter, for a young guy, is wonderful with the children

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Journal End Note

We'll put the top down on the Mini Cooper and leave for our road trip tomorrow.  We'll spend two days in the Panhandle right on the beach.  Then on to three days in the French Quarter of New Orleans with dinner reservations already made at  Galatoire's andRed Fish Grill for dinners and the rest we'll wing.  Bignets at Cafe' Dumonde for breakfast daily is a given.  I was able to secure good discounts through a Priceline bid and a great hotel.  On the return trip we'll stop two days at Gulf Shores Alabama before a straight shot back home.

My Dad left this morning for a month at the house in Niagara on the Lake.  When he returns, he will give up his rental here and move in with us full time.  He turns eighty-seven in sixty-five days.  Life as I know it at this moment is over.  I need the mini vacation, especially after the sadness over the children yesterday and my realization and acceptance of my father's final days of true independence.