Sometimes We Cry

MEMO TO:

[my supervisor]

[case manager]

[case manager's Supervisor]

] [foster mother #1]

[foster mother #2]

RE:

Case# XXXXX-XX

The first supervised visit with Mom went well after a bit of a shaky start. I had some time to talk with Mom and older Sister before kids arrived. Mom was very excited about seeing the children again. She is quite articulate and easily and appropriately discussed her case plan, her personal commitment to achieving her goals etc.. She was very open with me about her Termination of Parental Rights on her two oldest children in 2005 (of course she knows I have all the court records anyway). Both children were very happy to see Mom and sister, although at first, I think because she had been sleeping, [1.5 yr old girl] really cried hard, shrieked and held her little arms for me to take her as [transporter guy] lifted her from car seat. She didn't seem to recognize her mother. She soon recognized older Sibling [age 14 half-sister] and allowed her to take her. Mom was visibly upset/hurt by this. [3.5 yr old boy] was all smiles as soon as he saw me and it was quite obvious her remembered me as he said "dogs" because he and I had fussed over [Foster Mom #1's] dogs during my Home Visit last week. He then focused on Mom and was just thrilled to see her, smiling and laughing on wrapping himself around her.

Both M and Sib stayed actively engaged with children the entire time. Both CH had their packed lunches and some snacks Mom brought. After an hour [3.5 yr old] became very upset when he realized the visit was over and he sobbed when placed in car. Mom and Sib started tearing up as 3.5 yr old screamed and cried. I said to Mom and Sib, "Don't cry...Fake 'til you make it, be tough for the kid's sake.  You can cry after they leave."   We all did a good job of faking it and putting on a happy face when waving good-bye to CH. As soon as [transporter] pulled out, both Mom and Sib began crying hard. We discussed that the CH would get used to the set up and hopefully more easily transition.

Because [3.5 yr old] was so upset, I called FM this evening to check on him. She said he was clingy but affectionate and ate his dinner well. He went to bed fine. She was peeved he had a MacDonald's toy in a baggie. I assured her he did not have fast food, that Mom just gave him the toy and that he ate the healthy packed lunch she sent. I tried to gently say that in the big scheme of things, even though he's overweight, we need to choose our battles wisely with Mom and if she brings MacD's once in a while it won't kill the boy. This is a hard day for all concerned. Transporter has to pick (boy) up at daycare, drive 40 mins (on a good day) south to pick up baby girl in courtesy placement outside of county, drive both kids back 30 mins to park for supervised visit then pack kids up at end, back to girl's daycare, drive boy all the way back to his daycare. Poor lttle tykes. Note to all...I will be out of town from Fri 4/12 - 4/21. I can be reached via mobile at xxx-xxx-xxxx and always by email.

D

PS: it really does take a village...and, Transporter, for a young guy, is wonderful with the children

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Journal End Note

We'll put the top down on the Mini Cooper and leave for our road trip tomorrow.  We'll spend two days in the Panhandle right on the beach.  Then on to three days in the French Quarter of New Orleans with dinner reservations already made at  Galatoire's andRed Fish Grill for dinners and the rest we'll wing.  Bignets at Cafe' Dumonde for breakfast daily is a given.  I was able to secure good discounts through a Priceline bid and a great hotel.  On the return trip we'll stop two days at Gulf Shores Alabama before a straight shot back home.

My Dad left this morning for a month at the house in Niagara on the Lake.  When he returns, he will give up his rental here and move in with us full time.  He turns eighty-seven in sixty-five days.  Life as I know it at this moment is over.  I need the mini vacation, especially after the sadness over the children yesterday and my realization and acceptance of my father's final days of true independence.

The 29th Annual All British Car Show

We decided to christen the Mini by driving it up to Orlando to see the29th Annual All British Car Show.   We thought it would be fun to meet other Mini owners as well as other Brits for John.  There were over 200 cars there, the oldest being a 1929 Austin.  No kit cars were allowed so every car was a British manufacture, lots of Jags and MGs, Triumphs and Morgans as well as a fair number of Rolls Royce beauties.  We entered just to park with the Minis, but of course didn't compete.  It was a great time for us as we drove up Friday late afternoon, stayed with DIL and grandkids while son was in NJ on business and drove back home this morning.

Here are a few photos.  That's me in the first photo wearing my Union Jack sweater.  If I had known John included me in the shot I'd have at least smiled.  I bought that sweater last year at Covent Garden, paying a whopping 10 pounds for it.  An American man at the car show offered me one hundred dollars for it because his wife wanted it!  I was sorely tempted.

Truth and Consequences

Our weather is gorgeous lately, sunny, bright blue skies, no humidity and temperatures right around eighty degrees F.  We heat our pool with solar roof panels.  The pool temperature hit eighty-six yesterday afternoon.  Later today I plan to float around the pool after I pot some deep deep red geraniums I bought yesterday. 

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I'm still tired after having eleven people in residence for a week.  I'm not tired from doing any work as my daughter, daughter-in-law and my son really did it all.  I merely watched; although,  I was lovingly accused of micro-managing everything.  Yes, Mea Culpa.  To me all of them are still eleven years old, maybe fifteen when they are being silly, and I'm the Mom and they need me and ohhhhh, those five other short children running circles around us all?  Well, I'm always a bit surprised to truly realize they belong to MY children.  That being said, with the short ones, I just wear my Border Collie hat and perpetually herd them and count heads,  making sure everyone is where I think they belong.

I was just thinking how I am eternally grateful that we bought this way too big for us house.  Even with all those people here, everyone had their own real bed, none of the adults had to share a bedroom, we had four full bathrooms each with shower and tub and we could fit eleven people all at the same time for kitchen meals, eight at the table and three at the counter on barstools.  Of course, Mr. Ex-Embassy guy who had five house servants (yes, really!) during the New Delhi days  and still sometimes slips and calls me Bimla when he wants something, thought  we should eat every evening meal in the dining room where the kids could kneel on the white cushioned chairs and we could drop food all over the oriental carpet as the dogs circled around like a school of hungry Great Whites smelling the blood of the tidbits each particular kid didn't want to eat and knew enough to sneak somehow to whatever wet nose was beside their chair and we could wash tablecloths and napkins and chip up the whites dishes and use all those serving bowls and platters and oh, we only probably had three meals where some glass didn't magically hop up, throw itself over in a fit and spill it's contents everywhere.  But you know, "That dining room isn't a flippin' shrine, Dana!"  Yeah, right, sure...wait until I buy those maroon velvet ropes on stands.

What I am most grateful for is my Daughter.  She is well and whole, a loving mother and sister and child. She is again the girl we all love so much.   I cannot even type that without tearing up.  All I will say is this, if you do not believe that drugs are the scourge of our society,then, in my book, you're a fool.  Oh, maybe, like guns don't kill people, people do, drugs don't take themselves people do.  Tell that to every parent of a child with drug issues or every Guardian Ad Litem kid I represent who's living in foster care or every Newtown CT parent....I'd better close on this note before I alienate someone.

Face Your Fears...

We Welcome Family Members, Both Old and New

We have had an epic week of activity here at our house.  It started nine days ago with the arrival of grandsons Zach and Preston, ages 12 and 11.  This was followed two days later by the boisterous yet happy entrance of Son, DIL, Klye, 13, Keli, 9 and Ethan, 6.  When we add in my father, 86 and us, 75 and 64, we have a body count of 11 for every meal gathering (which seemed endless and flowing from one to the next).  We also achieve a cumulaive age count of 402!  Son and contingent left about 9PM last night. I think all 3 children zonked asleep before their car left the driveway!   Both the dishwasher and dogs have had a thorough workout; so much so that all three dogs snored like drunken sailors last night!

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Yesterday, bright and early before the others were even awake, we headed an hour north to Tampa where the nearest Mini dealer is to be found to bring home our newest family member, age 0!  Total time from build at the plant in Oxford UK, shipping from Poole UK to arrival at dealership was 6 weeks to the day!  That's pretty unbelievable.  Yesterday was warm and sunny.  The ride with the top down south on I-75 with John indulging me and letting Tina Turner blast from the IPhone that somehow magically plays from the car's stereo, was such fun!

I'll try to get caught up with all of  you, but it's not going to be easy or quick...