And the Winner Is...

ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I write this with a humble heart filled with gratitude and a sincere appreciation for life.  I saw the oncologist yesterday.  I am again manufacturing white blood cells.  My levels are not yet normal, but they are climbing.  I feel better.  The sweats and the headaches have stopped although I am still somewhat fatigued.

This is the theory as to what happened.  I take the IVIG infusions to supress my immune system.  Some people take IVIG to boost their immune system because it is weakened.  To quote my doctor, "You have the Rotweiller of immune systems.  It is constantly on guard and wants to attack invaders.  It is termed a hypervigilant immune system.  If there are no invaders, it will attack whatever it can, in your case, the myelin sheath lining your nerves."  When I get the IVIG antibodies, it is to flood my system and wipe out those Rotweiller antibodies (anti-antibodies) that I make.  Conceptually it's like chemo treatment for cancer that has to wipe out everything to wipe out the cancer cells and then rebuild.  Fortunately, I am healthy and knocking out the white blood cells destroyed them, but I am capable (we now know) of manufacturing more.  I just have a critical period where I haven't made enough white blood cells yet and it can be very dangerous.  But we're aware of it now and can take precautions.

The only real question now is whether the IVIG does me enough good to make it worth taking the risk.  I decided not to think about that one today.  I mean, if Scarlett O'Hara can think about it tomorrow, why the heck can't I?  Instead, I made a Zuni Cafe Roasted Chicken.  It's really really easy and is very chicken-dependent.  I promise I'll write it up soon.  And furthermore, I will deny I ever said this BUT...it's better than a COSTCO rotisserie chicken in that unlike the COSTCO the Zuni chicken skin is crisp crisp crisp while the meat is tender tender tender.  And No, Dr. Federman I did not eat any of that crispy, scrumptious, tingle your every tastebud chicken skin.  I know my cholesterol is way high and that why you give me Prevastatin.  I was just ummmm you know, saying it about the skin....

Thanks especially to all of you for being so very kind to me and so very supportive.  I truly am humbled by you.  Now, I am going to take a nap and will try my hand at a corn pudding later.

PS: If I owe you an email::::waving at Holly and Jill:::I promise I will get to it soon.

Gob Smacked and Pissed Off

OK...this is the real Dana, the evil twin of the nice serene Dana.  To say that I am pissed off is an understatement.  First of all, the doctor I saw was not as advertised by my primary care doctor.  He is not a he

OK...this is the real Dana, the evil twin of the nice serene Dana.  To say that I am pissed off is an understatement.  First of all, the doctor I saw was not as advertised by my primary care doctor.  He is not a hematologist.  Well he is, but he's also an oncologist in a cancer hospital.  My doctor told me none of this.  The place he works isn't near here so all I had was an address.  When the GPS pulled us into the parking lot of this big building that said Cancer Center I said to husband "Goddamit, now were at the wrong place and by the time we find the right place we'll be late!"  We were on time.

Once I got over the shock of being where I didn't expect to be, I became subdued and wary.  The doctor is lovely, Harvard educated, Dana Farber and Mass General trained.  He's young and exudes intelligence and competence.  He spoke to me as if I had a brain in my head.  Here's the bottom line at this point to the best of my understanding.  My white blood count is below 400, critically low.  It can be two ways...one, since I haven't had blood work in over a year, something is going on (something not good cancerwise) in my body and destroying my white cells.  He's thinking of a bone marrow biopsy, but is holding off for now because the IVIG muddies the waters.  Number two guess is that when I got the five IVIG infusions I got someones antibodies that are rapidly destroying my white blood cells.  Maybe my body can fight them off.  Maybe not.  This whole IVIG thing is a big crap shoot.  I am putting other people's antibodies into me and hoping they will fight on the side of good rather than evil.  In this case, I might have gotten some renegades that are bent on destroying my white blood cells.  It really pisses me off.

So we go back to the whole infection thing.  If I get a fever of 100.5 or if I feel unwell, I am to go to ER immediately.  I can't fight off infection and any infection can rage through.  Good part is IV antibiotics can kick it if I don't dilly dally around.  This is really annoying.

I had tons of blood taken...my poor veins!  I see him in a week unless he calls me sooner.  I am not wishing to hear from him sooner...that's not a good sign.  It's always better when you call a doctor than when they call you...take my word on that one.

matologist.  Well he is, but he's also an oncologist in a cancer hospital.  My doctor told me none of this.  The place he works isn't near here so all I had was an address.  When the GPS pulled us into the parking lot of this big building that said Cancer Center I said to husband "Goddamit, now were at the wrong place and by the time we find the right place we'll be late!"  We were on time.

Problems, Precautions and Peeps

Life is such an interesting sport...really.  This morning at breakfast I said to husband, "You know, I actually feel good today.  The best I've felt in a while.  I think my shoulders and arms are stronger.  Watch me reach up and put this into the microwave.  I don't feel less fatigued yet, but that will come.  Maybe doing the IVIG was the right thing."

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, the phone rang.  I had had blood drawn at my primary care doctor's office yesterday in preparation for seeing him next week to refill my normal meds.  It was the doctor himself...never a good sign.  My white blood cell count was 340.  Normal is 4,300 to 10,800.  He asked me to come right over for another blood draw.  He had called a hemotologist so he was getting ducks in a row.  We went over, poor Evelyn redrew bood from the top of my hand and sent it out STAT for testing.  Doctor told me to stop kissing the dog, to stay home until we figure out what's going on and to monitor my temp every four hours.  If it hits 100, I'm supposed to head to ER for IV antibiotics.

Doctor called back a couple of hours later. Count was 420.  I see the hemotologist tomorrow morning.  We stopped at CVS for new thermometer and some Jack-O-lantern Peeps for me.  I really don't care how fat I get.I ate the entire box of Mallomars by Sunday evening.  Here's what's left of the Peeps.  I plan on taking no prisoners.

Round and Round She Goes

I finished my five days of infusions Saturday around 3 PM.  That's it!  Twenty thousand dollars of anitbodies suspended in plasma shot into old Dana's friable (?) veins.   I've taken this stuff before.  I quit it.  My veins were bad and I got mad and quit.  I've never had adverse physical effects before (aside from the veins).  This time was bad, headaches, nausea, diarrhea.  I finally think I know why.  Before I got the infusions at a doctor's office where they had an infusion lab.  It would take about six hours to infuse the stuff.  This time, I had them at home.  Nurses from a home health care came.  They came from Miami, 60 miles south and then had another patient back south to end their day.  Time is money.  I think they did way too many drops per minute for me.  I know they did.  I'm sure it's why I had such reactions.  They (2 of them, one for 4 days, another for the last day) were wonderful women,  I just paid the price for bottom line costs.

As soon as all the IV tubing was removed and the nurse cleaned up and left. I took a shower.  The original nurse started off thinking she could leave the same needle in my arm for the entire five days.  It didn't work that way.  The most I got was two days in a row and then switch arms for a total of three insertions.  That doesn't sound like a big deal if you've got good veins, but believe me, for me every reinsertion is a very big deal.  So, I really only had two showers in five days because I was afraid of moving the needle in the vein.  My shower on Saturday with no needle, no tubing was heavenly.  It really is the little things in life that count.

I hadn't left the house for five days so I went out.  Where would you go if you were just sprung from jail?  I went to my very favorite place.........Publix!  I thought to myself, "How pathetic is this?  You think of Publix as some place to go to celebrate."  I do not know why I did this, but I got a visual image from my childhood....Do you remember pony rides?  Where those poor wretched ponies are saddled up and their halters chained to this revolving spoke thing and kids sit on their back as they hang their little heads and just plod along with dull eyes, one little hoof in front of another all day long while smiling parents wave to happy children.  It seems inhumane now seen through my adult eyes.  I loved it as a child.

  I was like one of those ponies, dull eyed and knowing only to do what it is I always do  I got my grocery cart and just plodded up and down the aisles of Publix.  I couldn't think of one thing more interesting to do.  We have a huge Publix and I went up and down every single isle, just looking, looking looking.  Finally, I decide to pick up the ingredients to make a European-style lasagna using ultra thin sheets of wonton wrapper pasta dough.  It is definately fantastic and contains no Ricotta cheese, but rather a Bechamel sauce.  I made the lasagna yesterday and it is the best I've ever made...definately European....layer after paper thin layer of sheets of fresh pasta  I will try to write it up tomorrow if I have the energy.  Here's a teaser....Yes, I cooked for my husband.

Before I left the store, I kicked over my traces, or bucked off my saddle or whatever metaphor fits and doubled back to the cookie aisle.  I'd already slowly ambled down it, but that little voice in my head said "Just keep on going....danger! danger! danger!  fattening!!"  This time I grabbed a present for myself and thought, "Love Thyself" and..... I did....

Skip Obama! Dittohead 101 is in Session...

The nurse is on her way to hook me up to the damn day-long IV.  Thought I'd leave some reading material for you.  I needed a smile this morning.

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Column: Skip Obama! Dittohead 101 is in session

By Frank Cerabino

Palm Beach Post Staff Writer

Saturday, September 05, 2009

News item: Parents of students in the Palm Beach County School District may send a written request to excuse their children from listening to President Obama's address to the nation's schoolchildren on Tuesday.

The option to ignore the presidential address is due in part to Florida GOP Chairman Jim Greer, who characterized the president's speech on the value of working hard and staying in school as a ploy to "indoctrinate" children into a "socialist ideology."

Dear Socialized Education Principal:

I am writing this letter first of all to voice my displeasure that you are allowing Barack Nobama to speak to children in your school without also allowing a rebuttal by one of the many people in our community who would be happy to tell the children how their so-called "president" is really a Kenyan Muslim trying to destroy this country to make his terrorist pals happy.

Can't you at least be fair and balanced, comrade?

So, yes, consider this letter formal notice that I want my child excused from being contaminated by Obama's words.

Who does he think he is?

He shouldn't be allowed to spew his Marxist worldview that kids should do their best (to serve Big Brother!) and stay in school (to keep socialized education strong!).

That's almost as sick as his death panels.

And I know I'm not the only parent who is outraged that my child could be exposed to this person who calls himself president.

(You know who else liked to give speeches? Hitler. Think about it.)

You should hear what my Tea Party friends have been saying. And as for the Glenn Beck meet-up folks, well, they cry real tears for a chance to return our country to its glorious days of Bush-Cheney.

So get ready for a Plan B.

You are going to have a lot of children in your school who will need something else to do at noon Tuesday during Obama's speech.

I have a recommendation.

While all the communist children are listening to the black man who wants to unplug their grandmas, you can have all the real American children listening to the actual leader of our country, Rush Limbaugh, who is, as he rightly proclaims, "on loan from God."

(And I'm talking about the real God. On another subject, would it kill you to require daily prayer to Jesus in your little socialist gulag?)

Anyway, Limbaugh's radio program begins at noon, too. Perfect timing.

Instead of a presidential brainwashing, the students can learn to say "Ditto!" at everything Limbaugh says as he proclaims the kind of truth that millions of his adult listeners have come to rely upon.

It's the least you can do.

And it doesn't involve your teachers, which is just as well, because they're heavily infiltrated with unionist feminazis who for too long have been spreading their own brand of socialism to impressionable kindergartners: Don't push. Share the toys. Play together.

No wonder this country is going down the drain!